The last several years of my life have not been particularly happy ones. I was unhappy in my job and my personal relationship. I vowed that I would change that. I ended the relationship and eventually gave myself a deadline to change my situation. In early February 2016, I went into a sensory deprivation tank with thoughts of a solo vacation to escape the job I hated, at least for a little while. When I left there, I had already decided to quit that job and travel alone for an extended period of time. Over the next several weeks, I researched and ultimately decided on three months in Ecuador. I would spend this time detoxing from an office environment that felt toxic and focusing on improving myself and the lives of those around me. I found a beautiful yoga ashram outside of Quito where I will live for a month and get my teaching certification. During my time at Casa Kiliku, I will also eat an organic vegetarian diet (which will be an enormous challenge for a veggie hater like me), practice daily meditation and get back into things that once brought me joy like reading, writing and photography. Then I found a great volunteer organization called Ubelong. Through them, I will spend three weeks getting back to my science roots while volunteering in the Galapagos. Having the opportunity to participate in conservation efforts in such an incredible place is a dream come true for me! The rest of my time in Ecuador will be spent exploring the amazingly diverse country.
I was in the early planning stages when I met a man. He seemed to be the man of my dreams. Everything I had ever wanted in a partner. He was tall and handsome. He was loving and attentive. He was a science minded archaeologist, my very own Indiana Jones. He was perfect. I told him on our first date that I was planning this three month trip. He was very supportive. Giving me advice and telling stories from his own archaeological exploits in South America. He even gave me some gear that he thought I would need. Everything was perfect…too perfect. The little voice in the back of my mind kept telling me to brace myself. It was all too right. Something had to be wrong. After about five months of blissful happiness, reality set in. He was not perfect, because nothing and no one ever is. He was not the man of my dreams. He was a liar. To what extent, I’ll never know but I do know I could never trust someone who lies about insignificant things. It is only a precursor for the bigger lies to come. There were many red flags. I overlooked them of course, as we all do when things seem to be going great. In retrospect, the warning signs were everywhere but I turned my blinders on for a while. In the end, he showed his true cowardly spinelessness and I couldn’t be blind to it. I have no respect for fake people. People who feel the need to put on airs because they know deep down they aren’t good enough.
The ending of that relationship was devastating but luckily, I had not altered any of my plans. I still had the adventure of a lifetime to look forward to. I continued to plan and book accommodations, trying to pay down as much as possible while I was still employed. During this time, the Presidential election was looming over our heads. How had our country come to this? The con man and the most despised women in the West. Beloved celebrities began to die off left and right. It was also as if they sensed the end of creative freedom on the horizon and couldn’t bear to see it. Then it happened. It actually happened. The thing we all thought would never really happen. It’s hard to see the silver lining in situations like this. You can only hope that this is rock bottom and the only place to go from here is up. 2016 has been a tumultuous year, not just for me personally but for the entire world. This year has been one of huge transitions with far reaching consequences that we can’t possibly understand.
2016 will forever be remembered as the year the world changed, probably not for the better. I fear that future generations will look back and view this time much like we look back on the rise of Nazi Germany, and wonder how the world allowed such atrocities to occur right before our eyes. Today, we are actors in the same tragedy. To be better as a species, we have to be better individually. We have to stand up and demand better treatment while also taking responsibility for our own lives and happiness. That is what 2016 has really been about for me. I decided that I could not blame my unhappiness on things that I had the power to change. I am in charge of my own happiness and I will do the things that make me happy. As I prepare to embark on my journey, I wonder what kind of home I’ll return to. I’m anxious to see what 2017 has in store but I’m also hopeful that the goodness in people will overcome the fear and insecurities of others. So, let’s celebrate the end of 2016, it could not come soon enough! Here’s to a 2017 filled with happiness, love and adventures!